Blog #18

My plans as a writer:


When I was a little girl I wanted to become a children's author and illustrator. I loved creating stories from the experiences I had with my nephew. I was an aunt at the age of 10 and since then I have written numerous rhymes and stories based off my time with him. I have always wanted to get them published but I never took the next step but maybe soon I will take that chance. Also, I love to write poetry. I can create a rhyme scheme about anything off the top of my head but also besides rhyming I love to create free flowing poetry about almost anything. I sent one poem called "The Field" to poetry.com and won the editors choice award last year and received my poem in the mail with comments from various editors who gave great positive feedback.

I have stopped writing recently since I am so busy with school but maybe when this semester is done I can write like I used to when I was younger. I would love to be published but if I never get the chance to then it will be okay because writing is a hobby that makes me happy and allows me to escape from the world every once and a while.

What’s the most important thing you learned about writing in this course?

I found out how much you can analyze something by doing the Nature writing paper. Even through doing the exercise in class with the apple, I would have never known to look so deeply into one thing so through writing the Nature article I began to look at things more differently and closer.

What was the hardest essay to write?

The nature essay would also be the hardest essay I had to write becauseI had never written one before and wasnt too sure on how what aspects of what I was looking at to put in and what to put out.

What essay did I take the biggest chances with?

I think I took the biggest chances with writing my personal essay about what I went through with my anxiety. I never really exposed what I went through to other people besides my close family and friends and I think getting it out there allowed to feel more proud of what I overcame than embarrassed.

What do I want to write my reflective essay about?

I will probably write about how my process has never changed throughout all of the years and that since I found it to be helpful with all of my writing I kept the same process

What do I definitely not want to write about in my reflective essay?

I probably will not want to write about my grandmother passing away and my idea of valentines day because till this day I am extremely emotional about it and while writing that story I found that I cried a lot through it.

#15

When writing my Feature Article.....

how did I start?
I thought of a topic that I am very familiar with and I thought defending sororities and the typical sorority sterotypes was a fitting topic since I have been a sorority sister for the past 4 years. I started by organizing the main points I wanted to address and then fit peoples opinions into each topic.

when did I figure out my focus?
I figured it out during class when we went around and discussed the ideas we might have. It was my first idea and it was the one I went with.

what did I leave out? what did I change? what did I emphasize?
I spoke about all of the benefits of sororities and I left out some drawbacks sorority life might have like having to go to everything even when you dont want to. I emphasized the positives of being a sister and also some opinions people had on sorority life.

where did I get stuck and how did I get unstuck?
I got stuck when I had to think of who to interview but after talking to some sorority sisters from different organizationss it became easy.

what were my major revisions?
I really didnt have major revisions. My outline led to my essay and when I constructed mye ssy I didnt have to turn back and change anything to drastic.

how did my life (not on the page) affect my writing process?
Being that I have so much on my plate it wasa hard to find time to sit down and write.

where and when did I write my best? what time?
I write my best when I am sitting on my bed with the tv on in the background and I am by myself.

what writing rituals did I engage in?
Before I write in my bedroom I haveto make my bed and clean my room so Im sitting in a clean and non cluttered environment. When it comes down to writing rituals I normally do, I didnt freewrite like I normally do but I outlined first.

how did I use thinking, talking and writing to develop my paper?
I thought first then discussed my essay topic with some sisters who helped my develop key points to mention.

how did I know when I was finished and how did I decide where to start?
I decided to start my paper by talking about the sterotypes that we face as sorority girls and then went from there and then I knew I was done with the essay when I ended it on the note of talking about how all of those sterotypes are wrong which tied it into the first paragraph.

#14

Steps I take when writing

1. I freewrite evertything: I dont think about my grammar or organization but rather just let my ideas flow

2. I reread what I wrote and put my thoughts into an outline form

3. I then write my essay, using the outline as a guide, and add transitions and so on

4. I normally do two drafts and have atleast two different people read my essay because I always miss a lot of errors or just to see their perspective on what I should maybe change

#13

You Say I Pay For My Friends? I Don’t Think I Pay Enough.
My Fight Against Sorority Misconceptions

When I walk around in public wearing my Greek letters I can’t help but feel that people are constantly passing judgment. Unfortunately, it’s an upsetting position most sorority girls encounter. Many people believe that Greek life’s only focuses are only to party and get drunk but sorority life is not what many people think of it. It is sad that sorority girls have been standing up against certain stereotype for years. Instead of being seen as smart, academically focused, and friendly, our letters give people the idea that we are airheads, slackers and bitches. If you are one of those people who judge us but don’t truly understand us here is a chance to open your mind.

Allow me to start by verifying that I am far from the sorority stereotype. Since being at Kean University, I have been freshmen and sophomore class president of student council, been on the deans list, a member of the English national honor society and have won many honors such as the Volunteer of the Year Award. Like myself, each one of my thirty sorority sisters are driven young women who despite being apart of a “clique” have different majors of study, belong to different groups on campus, and all have unique personalities.

Being that Kean University is a commuter school, it is hard to not only meet many people but find things to do especially on the weekends. Melissa Ziomeck, a former graduate of Kean and former sister of Nu Theta Chi says, “Being apart of a sorority I had people to hang out with and places to go all of the time. If I didn’t join one at Kean I probably would have transferred”.

Amanda Fizz, a member of Nu Sigma Tau, a local sorority on the KU campus also tells what she benefits from being a sister, “I am constantly asked why I joined a sorority and I tell them one main reason is because we do so many community service acts throughout the year, all great experiences I probably would never have been apart if I hadn’t joined”.

Some examples of these community service acts that our sorority is apart of is Breast Cancer Walk, working at the Somerset Hills Food Bank, raising money at Up Till Dawn, an event for St. Judes Children’s Hospital, and our philanthropy which is an yearly event that not only commemorates a sister who passed away from Lou Gehrigs Disease but raises scholarship money for students.

Not only are these girls benefiting from doing these community service acts by becoming better people but their résumés are enhanced as well which will allow them to have a impressive advantage over many college students when they begin to get out into the interview process for jobs.

Although there are seventeen different sororities on campus with girls who all saw the benefits of joining, there are still a large amount of girls who never cross into the Greek life. Nicole Franchino, a senior at Kean, says, “My parents had an issue with me joining because of the partying with frats and the environment of drugs and alcohol”. In my four years of being in a sorority, I have seen many girls, similar to Nicole, who thought about joining but were being swayed by the false information that their parents had.

If parents only knew that sororities surprisingly do not follow the motto “no work and all play” and that their daughters could be apart of weekly business meetings, then they might alter their perspective. These meetings are run by sisters who hold both executive board positions and other positions such as fund raiser chair, sisterhood chair and the historian. By taking on these positions, girls not only gain confidence in them and learn responsibility but most importantly acquire leadership skills.

At these meetings, each girl who holds a position speaks and when it comes down to making decisions it is an environment where every girl’s opinion matters. For shy girls who have never spoken up, it is at place where these girls gain a stronger voice and more self-assurance. Also at these meetings, is where our dues are given to the treasurer, which pays for various things such as monthly sisterhood events, birthday and sister of the month presents, tee shirt money, our date party and our end of the year formal. Not only do we pay for these things but we pay various fines if we do anything inappropriate such as talking while someone else is speaking at a meeting or coming late to meetings or events. Kate Illiacheva, vice president of Omega Sigma Psi, states “The fines are meant to reinforce not only the respect level that every one deserves but also emphasizes that everyone has to pull their weight in order for us to succeed and honestly once these girls continue to rack up numerous fines, their manner eventually changes for the better.”

In the end, joining a sorority gave me the opportunity to find a second family away from home and allowed me to find a close group of friends that I wasn’t able to find in high school. By becoming a sister, I have learned how to work as a team, how valuable it is to volunteer, how to hold a position and be dependable and most importantly I have learned that the stereotypes that society gives sorority girls and Greek like as a whole are not only embellished but they are wrong.

Nature Essay

When people think of pigeons they often think of them as those pesky cooing birds that smell and go to the bathroom on everything but they are actually exquisite animals. My grandfather has been raising pigeons since I can remember. On his refrigerator for the past 40 years has been a picture of my mother when she was 10 years old and on the front of the newspaper Easter morning, wearing a white bonnet which had a flawless white pigeon perched on top. In the corner of my grandfather’s quaint little backyard, has been a pigeon coop with almost two dozen of these small feathered creatures for over four decades. Since pigeons have a short life span, tons of pigeons have been traveling both in and out of my grandfather’s coop. While I stand in front of the pigeon coop in my grandparent’s backyard, I watch the peaceful birds walk around bobbing their heads back and forth and softly cooing. My grandfather gently takes one out and hands it to me as I cup its body in my hands and closely examine its physical traits.

Its head is small and is a dark grey color compared to its whitish-grey body, which is covered in a blanket of soft feathers is around 13 inches in length. As I hold a male in my hand my grandfather informs me that they are slightly larger than females. These pigeon’s beety eyes are an orange color because it is an adult while young pigeons under eight months old have brown or gray-brown eyes. These pigeon’s eyelids, like most, are orange and have a grayish-white eyes ring. Despite the fact that their eyes are incredibly small, pigeons have outstanding vision and they can see both colors and even ultraviolet colors. These pigeon’s feet are tiny, pink, and feel rough and dried out from the weather. Even though the pigeon I hold is a whitish-grey color, pigeons come in a variety of colors which is what makes them so special. Unlike other bird species who normally share the same colors, just as all blue birds are blue and robins are red, pigeons come in solid or speckled colors and have bright or dull feather colors.

I glance back at the coop and watch a few pigeons peck at the seeds and grains that my grandfather is throwing. What makes owning pigeons easy is that they eat just about anything and are not fussy eaters because unlike our 9,000 taste buds, they only have 37. What’s also intriguing is that unlike many birds that take sips of water and then throw their heads back so the water trickles down their throat, pigeons use their beaks as straws and suck up the water that way.

While I still hold the pigeon in my hands, I see my grandfather open the gate and watch as each pigeon flies out of the coop and out of sight. I gently open my hands and watch as the pigeon that I was just holding push out of my grip and disappear into the clear blue sky. Even though I have seen this happen thousands of times growing up, it still amazes me. Since pigeons have incredible “homing instincts” , it allows them to not only find home from far away but always guides them back, which is why they always return to my grandfathers coop. I watch the pigeons return back into their small home and it makes happy to see a smile of content on my grandfather’s face as he closes to the door to the coop.

personal essay

It happened so suddenly. I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly I couldn’t swallow. I woke up my boyfriend in panic and needed him to get me water. I needed water but suddenly water wasn’t enough. I needed my mother. I called her and couldn’t help but cry right as I heard her voice.

“Hello?” her raspy startled voice answered
“Mom….I feel like I can’t swallow”, I said as I was trying to breathe slow enough to calm
myself down.
“Ok Erica…calm down. Do you want your father and me to meet you at the hospital?
she said in a soothing manner.
“Yes”, I blurted out without any thought.
“Ok, we’ll meet at JFK right outside of the emergency entrance”
“Ok”, I answered back and as I hung up I turned to my half a sleep boyfriend Dan and told him he needed to take me to the hospital.

We met at the hospital at 2 in the morning. I stood in front of the emergency room exit and waited until I saw my mother’s reddish blonde hair and a black sweat suit from across the parking lot. She gave me a hug and said, “Erica, everything will be ok” and just that made me a worlds difference. We sat in the waiting room, my father and Dan watching the news and trying to keep each other awake, sat across from my mother and I, who was holding my hand and talking about anything that would get my mind off the wait. She always did that when my sister and I were sick and even if was the silliest of topics to discuss, it always seemed to work.

After talking to a series of doctors who couldn’t figure out what was happening to me, it was my mother that realized what had happened. I was hit with an anxiety attack.That next morning, after the hospital, I went home and had my mother stay by my side. She held my hand through my shaking, wiped my tears after my crying and made me forget how bad I really was. She is like that security blanket that toddlers carry around, the one that for some reason they cry when they are without it because it’s that one thing makes them feel safe. I think I clung to her so tightly is because she suffered from anxiety and knows first hand how to deal with it so looking at her I see a survivor and hope that I myself am going to get me over this.

When my mother had to leave for work and I was all alone, is when the anxiety escalated. I suddenly wasn’t an independent college girl that could do anything by herself but rather became someone who couldn’t be left alone.

That week, I stayed at my grandmother during the day and was picked up by my mother after work. I felt like a little kid who needed to get babysat which made me cry even more. After three days of staying home, my parents thought that I should try to go back to my place and get back into the grove of things and as we were driving down the turnpike, I had a huge anxiety attack somewhere between my exit 9 and exit 13.

“Erica, why are you shaking so badly?” she said, trying to keep her eyes on the road and at the same time watch me.
“I don’t know mom, I don’t think I can do this” trying to hold my knees still from shaking. I didn’t want to scare my mom but I couldn’t help it.
“We’re turning around Bruce”, she said to my father, who was sitting in the back. “She needs more time, we rushed this too fast”, she said in a saddened voice.

A week after that night, I was in my apartment again. Every night after work my mother drove 40 minutes and came over to stay with me until my boyfriend came home at 9. For that week she focused on me. She called every hour and constantly made sure I was ok. One day I felt like my throat was closing and even though she told me it was because of my anxiety and nothing more she still took me to a throat specialist to make me feel better. She never made me feel embarrassed or crazy because she herself went through anxiety. Those nights she came up to stay with me, we would lay in my bed listening to soft music, and as she held my hand she would retell me stories about when I was a little girl.

“You know Erica, when you were little you were so clumsy, you must have came crying to me four times a day for bumping your head on something”, she said laughing as she looked over to me to see if I was smiling and I was.

“Eventually I bought you a helmet and you would wear that around like it was a princess’s tiara” she said laughing even more this time and letting out a joyful sigh.

Those small moments are the times I will never forget and the times I could never really explain to her how much they really meant. That week she temporarily deserted my father and younger sister and I am sure she neglected herself as well because I was the only thing that she was concerned about and I needed that. I needed her to pick me up a little each day and a little more each time we were together. She is the reason I am the Erica that makes everyone laugh or the Erica that is a happy young girl again.

Recently, our roles have switched. My parents are struggling financially more than ever and can’t afford to keep the house so it has been on the market for the past months. Since my father lost his job and my mother is only a secretary, they can barely afford to live anymore and I find that the strong woman who once got me through everything is now falling apart. I call her everyday to see how she is doing.

“Hey mom, what’s up?”, I said in a cheerful voice.
“Not much Erica, just a little stressed today”, she says with a troubled voice. “Your sister just told me the lights went off in the house and I can’t pay the bill because my card is maxed out”, she whispered in almost humiliation. “Can I use your card and I will pay you back?” she said.
“Of course” I said, and read her the information off my card. “Mom I don’t know why you don’t ask grandma and grandpa for help. You told me yourself, they helped Aunt Joanne out for years with financial problems”, I said trying to reassure her.
“I know Erica, but I never once asked anyone for help and I don’t plan on starting now. I don’t want to owe anyone anything”, she explained.

My mom was a mother at the age of 18, and since the time she had my older brother, she prided herself on being able to do things on her own. I understand where she is coming from but at the same time I wish she would just ask for some support.

She calls me everyday and tells me about how she is feeling and I am there to listen and build her slowly up as she has done for me. Sometimes I cry when I get off the phone with her because hearing that the one person you want to be happy is actually the saddest they have ever been is heartbreaking. I don’t cry when I’m around her or even show that I believe things are bad because she never once did that when I was going through my bad time. She always made me feel that the bad times were going to pass and I was going to get better without a doubt and that is exactly what I am doing today. She is more than a mother and I am more than a daughter to her. We are best friends and each others support system.

“I’m sorry to put this all on you Erica, I never wanted you to see me like this”, she said one time when we went out for lunch.
“I know mom, but it’s ok because I love you and I am here for you just as you were there for me” I said reassuring her.

I always let her know that I am here for her and that her problems are not too much for me too carry and little by little she has been opening up. When I give her a hug, it’s the strongest hug my arms can give and when I tell her I love her, it’s the most heart felt expression.
The weeks that I suffered with my anxiety was a time I will never forget because I became the weakest I ever thought I would possibly be but also because I realized what a strong and loving woman my mother is. When I was at my weakest I couldn’t help myself but needed my mother to get me to where I needed to be, and now being able to do the same is the most important role in my life right now. By caring for me, my mother taught me how to care for her.
My mother and I have shared many memories in the past but now we both share that horrible feeling that nothing is ever going to get better, but I am by her side everyday telling her that although we cant see it at the moment, it’s a time in our lives that we eventually grow from and realize the strength we have because of what we have overcome. I pray every night for the times my mother is facing to end soon but in the mean time I am standing as strong as my mother once did